Prediction time

OK, with the new Premiership season starting later today, here's a few of my predictions for the year:

Wolves will not be relegated and will finish around about 13th. However, a flirtation with the relegation zone around Christmas will allow sports editors to get out the 'Wolves at the door' headlines they've been saving up. 'Howling Wolf' and 'Big Bad Wolf' will also be used, though less frequently.
Chelsea will either win the league by a mile or not be involved in the title race at all. However, if Chelsea aren't in the running by the time the transfer window reopens in January, Roman Abramovich will simply buy every other side in the Premiership to ensure victory.
Leeds will sell several players, usually within hours of announcing that 'X is not for sale at any price'.
The fact that Man Utd's new keeper, Tim Howard, suffers from a mild form of Tourette's Syndrome will be mentioned, on average, around 13 times during every commentary. At least two of these mentions will include a reference to how 'Peter Schmeichel didn't have an excuse for all his shouting'.
Portsmouth will be relegated - several reports will link this to the town's naval history and use 'sinking ship' metaphors to describe their plight.
Chris Coleman will lose his job as Fulham manager. Several people I know will celebrate this as it will mean they're no longer older than the Premiership's youngest manager.
Leicester will also be relegated. Fans of other clubs will celebrate this, given the fact that they cheated their way to promotion last year. Sportswriters will celebrate this because they'll have run out of Gary Lineker and crisp-related jokes to use in their reports.
Leeds will be the third relegated side. This will have nothing to do with the players or Peter Reid, but rather the fact that the board will accidentally sell off all their remaining players to Accrington Stanley for 75p and a back issue of Roy Of The Rovers. The board will deny that any sale has taken place.
After a cold winter, fixture congestion around February will result in Man Utd and Arsenal having to play each other three times in the same day. Alex Ferguson will request an extra hour be added to the length of the day to allow for injuries. None of the matches will kick off at 3pm, though.
The Leeds board will begin to deny their own existence.
Someone, somewhere, will claim that if Premiership players all started blogging it would improve the quality of their play.
Leeds will attract their highest crowds in years as most of the world's philosophers begin attending Elland Road to discuss whether a game has taken place if one side doesn't exist.
Several young men in their early twenties will drink heavily while on holiday in a foreign country. Because they make their living as footballers this will be decreed news.
Having solved the question of whether or not Leeds exist, several philosophers will attempt to understand the 'ranking coefficient' system used by UEFA. They will fail, and will spend the rest of their lives in comfy rooms being kept away from sharp objects.
Finally, Arsene Wenger will still fail to see any incident in which an Arsenal player is sent off. To predict otherwise would just be far too silly.