Will this do?

Once again, Stephen Pollard steps where others fear to tread, fearlessly standing up to the forces that threaten society, fearless of the risk to himself in confronting such entrenched interests, daring to go where no journalist has gone for at least twenty-four hours in penning a critique of Glastonbury, based on extensive research in his head and The Cuthbertson/Scruton guide to whatever it is young people do to enjoy themselves nowadays, good lord, how terrible this modern culture is, bring back national service. (found via Bobbie)

I'm wondering what his next piece will be. Part of me thinks it'll be 'Wayne Rooney is a tosser' or 'Why I hate football' (though, as he's already confessed to supporting Spurs, we already knew that) though there's always other fearless contrarianism like 'Why more people should kick puppies', 'Jesus, how I hate the taste of ice cream', 'We must extinguish the sun now', 'How dare these nanny staters tell me that banging my head against a brick wall repeatedly might be bad for me and it could be a good idea for me to stop' or 'Really, newspapers will fill their comment sections with any old toss nowadays, won't they?'