Advice for voters

Discovered via Jesus' General, here's what someone's called one of the 'funniest and most expensive practical jokes in recent memory'.

The US State of Oregon - which, I believe, conducts all its elections by post - publishes a 'voters' guide' to be dsitributed to the electorate, which includes statements by the candidates for the various elections. However, as well as regular elections, Oregon also has various referendums (ballot measures) for people to decide on. Oregon citizens and organisations are entitled (for a fee of $500) to have statements in favour or opposition of these put into the voter guide.

One of this year's measures - Measure 36 - is to add to the state Consitution a declaration that marriage shall only be between a man and a woman (there are similar proposals in many other states as well). So M. Dennis Moore has spent $2000 having statements placed in the guide (the first three and the penultimate one) in favour of the amendment on behalf of the Traditional Prejudices Coalition, the Defence of Heterosexual Breeding Committee, the Beaver State Defence Of Beaver Coalition and God For Oregon Deity PAC (GOD-PAC) and Family Alliance of God. Some examples of his arguments, first remembering St Paul's statement that "It is well for a man not to touch a woman.... It is well ... to remain single as I do. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." (I Corinthians 7:1, 8-9):

The sissy institution of marriage must not be perverted by sinners who are capable of abstaining! The sacred union of church and state must prohibit the immoral union of men and women capable of the discipline of sexual abstinence. We are not saved by either faith or good works. We are saved by religious-right legislation!

And if marriage should only be for procreation and in line with the Bible, he suggests a few more laws that Oregon may need:

The Bible says that marriage is for procreation. God made Adam and Eve, and Adam and Eve made Cain and Abel, not an empty nest.

Marriage is for procreation. If you're not pro-Creation, you're anti-God. And once a marriage has been solemnized, sex is serious business. The solemnity of sex must not be abused for sinful pleasures. Sex is for procreation, not recreation. And marriage is for breeding purposes.

Therefore, it should be Oregon public policy that

Homosexuals may not marry.
Infertile persons may not marry.
Men with vasectomies may not marry.
Women with hysterectomies may not marry.
Post-menopausal women may not marry.
Persons planning to use birth control may not marry.
Non-virgins may not marry (Deuteronomy 22:13-21).
Inter-racial couples may not marry (Deuteronomy 7:3).
And couples who fail to conceive within two years ought to have their marriage licenses revoked.

I just hope that people understand it's a joke - after all, there are still people out there discovering Landover Baptist and thinking it's a real church, so who knows how many people will think these arguments are serious?

I'm reminded of the time when a friend of mine stood as 'Your Maoist Candidate' (with the slogan 'It's time for a purge!' in an NUS Conference election (his speech included the classic line 'Conference, I've seen the future and you're going to be in it. You're going to be white, you're going to fluffy and you're going to go BAAAA whenever I tell you to!') That night, he was cornered in the bar by a real Maoist who'd failed to notice it was a joke and spent a lot of time telling him that he was just what NUS needed...

But that's the problem with extremists of all types - no matter how hard you try to parody them, their reality is so out of line with the vast majority of everyone else that they easily move beyond anything parodic we can create.