Does Eric Pickles actually possess a brain?

Would I be breaking some sort of coalition rule by calling Eric Pickles an idiot?

I’m just wondering, because I’m sure that being the Cabinet minister responsible for a Localism Bill, yet only speaking about things in bizarrely anti-localist terms are the actions of either a satirical genius or an idiot. And as I don’t believe his performance is directed by Armando Ianucci, that doesn’t really leave many other options.

I could just about take his habit of proclaiming that he was setting local councils free – even though the rhetoric rarely matched the reality – while also laying out what they should and shouldn’t do, as being merely Whitehall doing what it always does in a vacuum: filling it with guidelines. I could even explain away his pronouncements on how often Councils should collect household waste as merely him expressing his opinion in the way many ex-Councillors like to berate those of us currently in the role for changes to what they thought was a perfectly organised system when they were sitting in the council chamber.

There’s no way to explain away the latest bit of DCLG madness though. We all knew that the 12 largest cities were going to have Whitehall attempt to foist mayors on them (yet suggest direct election of the Prime Minister and Cabinet to the same people and watch them run screaming) in the name of local accountability without any hint that they’d even registered the potential irony in that policy. That was somewhat justifiable, though, on the grounds that there was a precedent in London and such Mayors would be subject to confirmatory referendums.

So, when will such confirmatory referendums take place? Why, after said mayors have been elected and taken office, of course! Because there’s nothing more localist than making the decisions for a city from afar and then asking them to tell you just how right you are a little further down the line, is there? And in this new age of austerity for Councils (it must be happening, I had an invite to a £400 one-day conference to discuss it), just who pays for the organisational changes that will have to happen to accommodate these new mayors? And who foots the bill if the public are so ungrateful as to decide they don’t actually want them?

I was prepared for the Localism Bill to not live up to the hype of how it would completely liberate councils, even before Nick Boles started playing the mood music for the abolition of districts and boroughs, but wasn’t expecting it to be this ridiculously centralist and dictating. Though I do live in hope that someday someone will tell Eric Pickles that he’s going to be replaced by a directly-elected Secretary of State, and if he objects to that then he can have his say in the entirely balanced and not at all rigged consultation that his successor will arrange.