In the summer of 1999, there were clear blue skies and a warm August day for the eclipse, which Tony Blair had ensured was happening at the family friendly time of 11am. In 2015, the eclipse was hidden behind thick clouds, only visible to rich bankers circling London in their private jets, buried away at 9.30 in the morning, when millions of workers would be slaving away for their bosses, unable to see it, even if David Cameron hadn’t arranged for there to be cloudy skies. There couldn’t be a more damning indictment of Coalition Britain.
…and as the Moon slowly covered the Sun, pitching the entire country into darkness, what did Ed Miliband say? Nothing. The whole country was being denied the warmth and light of the Sun but he couldn’t bring himself to even issue a press-release castigating the Moon for its role in making this happen. Labour used to be a party of light, now they stand for nothing more than darkness.
I’ll tell you what eclipse we should be having – eclipse round the ear from a neighbourhood bobby. That’d sort out the problems of the country. (Note to subs: please pad this out as if I was there, because there wasn’t an eclipse here in Florida)
For hundreds of years, the people of these islands knew just how to deal with eclipses. A young (and obviously virginal in those days before sex education corrupted our youth) member of the village would be sacrificed, the Moon would be appeased and the Sun would be returned to us with none of the ridiculous fuss we see nowadays. But now we must all stand around and watch this eclipse, and if you try to set up just a small sacrifice of innocent children (assuming you can find any in this Godforsaken country) then the PC Police will descend on you and throw you in prison. Meanwhile, the real criminals – those who would see what remains of our degraded civilization be eaten by angry and unappeased sky gods – go unpunished. That’s Britain today for you.