Character Profiles

Rob

'I was living the American Dream, then I woke up in Easthampton.'

'Of course he's back. He's like genital warts without the emotional integrity.' - Kate on Rob

Robert Ashfield was just a normal happy-go-lucky teenager until his hippy parents, tired of Thatcherite Britain and wanting to recapture the spirit of the sixties, left Easthampton to join a commune in California taking him with them, thus forcing him to leave behind his best friends Dave and Chris, as well as his girlfriend Kate. Rob rebelled against his parents (who by this time had joined a UFO cult) and became a businessman in Silicon Valley. Three ex-wives later, he was a dot com millionaire, having set up dashdashdash.com, an online dating service. However, his life was turned on its head when, during a battle for control of the company, one of his rivals discovered that his parents had illegally immigrated into the USA and he was deported back to the UK, accompanied by his PA, Della. Deciding to seize the opportunity presented by this, Rob chose to return to his home town of Easthampton to restart his business career where it all began.

Della

'I've heard about the English class system. I'm still waiting to meet an Englishman with class.'

'She's my PA, but for her that stands for Pitbull on Amphetamines.' - Rob on Della

Della Woylinksy is Rob's right-hand maneater. A true Californian girl, having rarely left the state throughout her life, she opted to come to Britain with Rob ostensibly out of loyalty, but also because she couldn't find another job that would provide her with the same level of pay, or a boss she enjoyed working for so much. She is intelligent, driven and ambitious with a low opinion of mankind, especially of the men within it. Although her professional image is as a hard woman, who takes no prisoners, she is a romantic at heart and is looking for a man to sweep off his feet.

Chris

'Some people like to wear their heart on their sleeve, I prefer to show my bank balance.'

'They'd love him in the South, he's living proof that Darwin got it wrong.' - Della on Chris

Chris Floyd is a self-made man, inordinately fond of the results, and perpetually bemused as to why the rest of the world (especially his friends) don't treat him with the respect he deserves. He is a true child of the eighties, who has never quite accepted the fact that it has all ended, especially in the fashion world. He likes gold jewellery, flashy suits and seeing his own name in lights. In school, he felt himself to be perpetually in the shadow of Rob and Dave and has spent most of the intervening twenty years trying to outshine Dave, mostly oblivious to the fact that Dave isn;t interested in participating in the contest. The only thing missing from his life is a girlfriend, a condition that has blighted his life since school.

Dave

'If you spend your life going nowhere, you never have to worry about the journey ending.'

'He sees himself as the new Lenin. He's planning to lie down for seventy years.' - Chris on Dave

Dave Spencer is a classic slacker. He enjoyed his time at University so much, he has spent most of his life since then living a lifestyle that suspiciously resembles that of a student. His favourite pastimes are cheap beer and easy women, but he has an innate friendliness and charm that has helped him to sail through life with no major worries to trouble him. His stated aim in life is to be a writer and he has a 'work in progress' that he refuses to show to anyone for the main reason that he has consistently failed to get past Chapter Two. He currently lives platonically with Kate, having moved in to help her through the trauma of her husband's death and become part of the furniture there.

Kate

'My life's like a Greek tragedy only without the laughs.'

'She's the only woman in town I haven't slept with. No wonder she's so miserable.' - Dave on Kate

Kate Andrews is not a happy woman. Two years ago, her life seemed to be going fine but then her husband, Simon, died in a bizarre accident pulling the rug out from underneath her life leaving her with a house and a half-share in an Estate Agency, a job she hates doing but feels she has to continue to keep his dreams alive in some form. Despite this, she can at times be bright, charming and generous, but more often she is bitter and angry at the world for the life it has forced upon her.

Note on character ages:

Having been at school together twenty years ago, Rob, Chris, Dave and Kate are all now in their mid-30s. Della is slightly younger than them, in her early thirties, but with the cynical world view of someone much older